for the void
there was a time, i guess it was closing time, and i could feel the wolves circling, and the vultures up ahead slavering, and even flies gathering, blue bottles, green bottles. I knew. She didn't, i don't guess. You might have. The modem kept flickering in and out, so at a hint, I went and spent time with my assistant. I was stressed so bad that I was shaking, but she was always cool as a cucumber. her nerves were sour too, but for different reasons. I had put one in her, so maybe that was it. She couldn't be happy with anything, but i did satisfy her in that regard, i guess. i'm ok with it, but i wanted to chat, you know?
So i held her, frightened beyond my wits, sweating from it a little, wandering heart's fireworks splattering my shame across the universe.
I think about it sometimes, that I was born with this whole crazy trip inside of myself, as much as there will be and was, decompressing from a few chemicals collapsed into some stray gametes, from my mother's fuck.
so we did, you know, haphazardly. she was tired, i was getting ready for the minor death of all i was. i didn't know the devil and his children were sharpening their cutlery for the feast, but the time for me to pay my dues had come.
and i was spent, you know.
and i'm sitting there hot and sticky, her barely awake for the pitiful puppet show, and i'm wondering about you. i did the right thing, you know. I had demured, for although it looked real nice, a brass kaleidoscope with jewels, when I had a silver one, well, whatever it was- I knew my place was at her side, and although I am a rascally rabite, I knew the difference between right and wrong enough to be a man for a change.
I had done so much work inside myself that was completely unrewarded, unappreciated, and completely obliterated by my completely unethical dehumanization. the first few weeks I stayed in tears, upset so bad, with all those bastards working on me like a drunken dentist. the stakes were so high.