shame on me.

I haven't had the chance to sit down and speak my mind, but considering the situation, you already know the sort of horrific garbage i'm going through. been right up on the edge of oblivion for a little while, as I had my arm twisted by horrors i certainly cannot comprehend. some I can, i guess, but this is getting weird even by terrence mckenna standards. in a few weeks ive lost almost all my friends, my self respect, the sanctity of my spirit. im just waiting around for the wrecking ball at this point, and trying to have a little courage to keep my character resonant, or like, you know, whatever.

the enemy within: how psyops ruined my love life.

im in pretty bad shape really. i was talking to that one friend, and saw that ... alright, thought stealing! must have been a pretty good one, so, there's that

I don't know. I'm psychicly capable of surviving the walk of shame as your entire life, but the thing I've endured is being put way way low on the totem pole, under stuff like richard goldberg and company, and people who no mothra could love.

i think about it. i have this going on, and some of them cats are drinking mai thais in swizzlerland or whatever amazing world we live in. i just want my noise, and to live, but im so teeter totter weeble wobble lately that I am not sure about myself, or the future, or if im going to survive the harships at hand.

so, anyway, thank you for not exactly leaving. im sorry you have to watch this. i care about you a lot, and im glad you're there, even as if somebody with an insect in a jar or whatever. but, like i said, i really do care, and i hope you're alright, and... I saw my one dear friend die recently, and where he had worked so hard, he was quietly.

yes, yes, the point of all this: could you tell little hobbit-com direct secret sauce 11:11 777

  • again, could you tell hobbit-com direct that our tall friend who had that fine thanksgiving turkey she made with us has passed? I mean, I know they've moved, and moved on, and all that good stuff, but they loved long tall jones, and I always thought if not for me, they would have been happier. I am the shit of all shit, but a favor now and then is not so much, right? right.

    I thought they would want to know. Eh, what am I thinking? It will probably get around to them, one way or another.

    The fucking thing is physically clawing at my heart. I am just like,somebody please just crush it in my sleep, which sort of did happen, but this is a bit much. I shouldn't put off the appointmets, but I've been in such terrible shape. The umh, the kidneys are going, and without vitamin L(ove) I'm going to be in the SOMEBODY TAKE THAT FUCKING THING OUT AND MAKE IT WITH THE FLAMETHROWER I HATE ITS UGLY MOUTH zone, and that's, that's just a horrible way to live for somebody who just basically is just a little too nice for its own good.

    i rarely have a day that goes by that i dont think about you, but im still like, is this djvr or what over here? is this a six man psyop squad's extra credit project from moussad? I'd be better off if it was!

    I want to know if you took a freestyle class or what. Never met anyone with a mouth like that.

    I don't have much else to say, other than I'm glad you're around. I guess pharmola was friendly, or whatever, but man, I've never met anyone who was such a loser that they couldn't get a cheesier rf job at mcdonalds (in that part of town?!)

    I'm in bad shape, i'm sorry, I just wanted to talk and let you know that even in my wildest dreams, and some of them are pretty wild, that anything could ever work out for me.

    you're right that car car car seedier seedier seedier is the right way forward, and a friar wall. I'm a fucking moron sometimes. I don't know if I'll survive.

    Just wanted to say I care. Hope you're ok.<3

  • i'm going to fight myself to not post anything like this again. i don't think it's necessarily the most important thing in the world either way. I guess you just have to sort of be around anyway. I am humble, and lost, and scared. Anyone would be.


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