I'm freezing!!!
I'm so cold, just drinking coffee, and trying to stay warm. I hate being cold and having my skin crack but I really hate the responsiblities of warm weather keeping up with yardwork, bugs, and more people walking by my home.
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my thing with the gangbang video deal is simple. there appeared to be an element of what i enjoy in this, a woman enjoying sexual pleasure, having an orgasm, and the appeal of a bit of fleshly action. i think more or less i am a very motivated giver, because some how a very crummy experience with my mother at a very young age left me feeling pretty emasculated an inadequate in my ability to give pleasure. she lambasted me after a girlfriend was raped, or had lied about being raped- more the latter, i'm certain. so, the only real pleasure i get from the sex act, or porn, or whatever is in the exciting actuality of orgasm, dripping cooze, or a blush. from alcohol or cocaine is not a big deal, just a blush will do. there is so little of it in pornography that most of it is like some hideous insect probing a fruit mechanically looking for nectar that simply isn't there.
the gravel in my soul is wounding, and i hate every molecule of this whole world. earth is a fucking prison. earth is a prison, intentionally, from which there is no reasonable escape other than the inevitable end of my own little microcosmic drop of mountain dew i love ya peaches.
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Carol of the Bells
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQadcm_dwEM
vs
Carol of Old Ones
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR4b_HWXzLg