Right Now

on the first night when they fired off their pistol into the back yard, i fled as best I could considering. The police went past my house, shining lights in the windows. I would have been fine if they would have went to the home that had fired off the shots intended to intimidate and terrorize me.

when i fled to the hotel, there were two obvious police/fireman types, one next to me on the left, the next on the right- and they banged and banged on the wall of my hotel all night, just like a gitmo prison cell, just like the last scum that drove me from the good land. You have to give it to these ruffians, they really have given themselves over to sadism, and it suits them. I'm not completely inhuman, it send me into a state of vigilance. after time the stress will kill me.

until then, a fool and his folly.

Maybe to see where I scramble off to.
Going where the winds don't blow so strange.

Well, targeted harassment campaign is only getting worse. This is .gov. Good time to be religious, but a bad time to be me.

This is horrifying.

I have unfortunately become the target of a persistent harassment campaign, seemingly orchestrated by a government entity. I am constantly subjected to disruptive behaviors, such as individuals repeatedly knocking on walls around me and honking their car horns near my residence. It appears that even state authorities are complicit in these actions.

The frequency and intensity of these incidents are distressing, and I feel overwhelmed by their magnitude. Relocating is not a feasible option, as I suspect this campaign will follow me relentlessly until I am silenced or rendered ineffective. While I haven't faced any direct physical harm so far, I fear that such attempts may be imminent if circumstances persist.

I struggle with a condition similar to Tourette's Syndrome, which occasionally leads to uncontrollable outbursts. My political beliefs are straightforward, and I embrace a compassionate mindset, even extending prayers for those who persecute me—an unpopular stance. Regrettably, my antagonizers derive satisfaction from their actions, while I am acutely aware that the mounting stress will eventually take its toll on my well-being.

I feel disoriented and like a stranger in an unfamiliar environment. Recently, mental health professionals whom I had trusted have unanimously labeled my concerns as paranoid, aligning against me hastily. Consequently, my voice has been stifled for now.

The extent of my losses is considerable, and now there is a concerted effort to drive me away, if I am fortunate, or to push me towards self-inflicted harm, which is far from desirable.

I am terrified and want to convey that, in all my years, I have never experienced such a profound sense of despair.

Nonetheless, I remain steadfast in my beliefs. Just as early Christians endured immense trials, my capacity to embody such love is limited due to my flaws and weaknesses. I

Well, there is a surprisingly quiet lull, but the sonic torture is following me everywhere I go. I won't run off to anywhere useful. I won't self terminate. I'm sure they'd be happy to do it for me if it was more their kind of thing, and it seems blood and guts is their kind of thing. so, the idea is to torture me until I go crying to my momma. I very well may. They got zealous with it as I left, that's cemented it. Many points in the constellation, far far far too random.

Managing my sanity is a funny affair. Just waiting for the other shoe toooooo drop.

Unbelievable. So, the fun thing is is how this lines up with the eleusian mystery, which, whatever that is I had better keep to myself.

I'm so scared it's unreal. Honor is not befitting a fool, or such situations for cowards. Here I am: coward numero uno supereme!

Holy God, have mercy on me. Unsung martyrs, happens all the time.

They had me, well. You would know. I am going to try to survive as best I can, but I can not say for sure precisely what to do at this point. I guess I'll play it by ear.

Wonder who it was that loved me so much. They kept saying "come on! come on!"

But here I am, tortured, bedeviled, but it's such a nice day out! It's such a fine day.

You wouldn't believe what it is to smile and love when the weather's bad, but when the heart is sore and the weather is fine, reminds me of my grandmother's funeral. weather was just too damn good.

Well, I thought I'd let you know the score. What am I supposed to do? Lose every shred of dignity for some soul eating process' bottom line? People do it every day, but honestly, I do not doubt that I am in pretty horrible shape at this point, just that this is really a tough spot!

Dying in the streets! Dying on the front lines. I see from the situation that it's an application of passive pressure that adds up to a lot of real violence and harm. But why not just ice me like happens every day?

There is something to be desired here, and it is dishonor? Why not just murderize me? Well, that seems to be an ok idea, because if it was hell by my hend, who can say? but what if I can be passively tortured into... God knows what? Rubber hose! Yeesh. the eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the evil and the good. Yeah.

I could just as easily be asked nicely. I am of course a completely reasonable man.

Just slam endless wall of disposable people at it. Scandalize, slander, same old same old. I am hoping I am just, you know, not going to be passively assassinated or hunted into psychospiritual extinction.

Is this how they treat everybody? I mean, I guess, like, yeah?

Makes me wonder about all my heroes. Are they like this? Well. I am just going to go somewhere unsafe and cry, I suppose, and then see what's what. Doesn't feel very promising. Madness with all this is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy, but I do have some pretty colorful enemies, that I may reconsider. Love you all so much! You wouldn't believe how I love you all. Tell you what though, the metamorphosis is... Well, I think... Maybe. Yeah, I'm going to take a minute to write out my will and keep it on me, just in case.

I simply will not do anything stupid. I don't care if it kills me.
They sure as hell are paying everybody else in the world handsomely for all this. Why not me?
I can stalk myself for you. Trust me, if anyone knows how to frustrate someone to tears, it's me doing it to myself living like a dummy. Damn, son.

Really, can I do that? I can just take it over for the guys. They'll be so relieved. Like wow, that guy has a lot of heart.

Then, what is it, 14 years later a gobstopper's worth put a girl into prison for... what? like basically forever?
I mean, I get it. National security is like, such a big deal to me. I mean that. No, for real. Then we have, what, all these different sundry things, so- wait, wait, I am all for, I mean, I don't mean to be in such conflict with the human race that I must be murdered. I don't think so! I mean, really, there are plenty plenty plenty of worse people doing, I mean, look at some of these, so many greater and more horrible than little old YOU by far.

However, this has been going on for.... what? So what is it to me to suffer and hurt? Of little consequence, but, what apologies are there?

Well, I had better be getting on that will. It's a beautiful life sometimes, when the weather is so dang fine.

i guess i am just not the right kind of transhumanist these days.